


Surrender is Just a Word

by magnificentlycursed



Category: Run On (TV), 런 온 | Run On (TV)
Genre: "i hate u" gf "no u don't" bf, 5+1 Things, Awkward Romance, F/M, Love Confession, Post-Canon, Post-breakup, Romance, That's it, because they're in love, dan-ah is afraid of being vulnerable, that's the whole fic, they're deeply madly in love with each other, yeong-hwa shows her it's okay to be vulnerable but doesn't really push her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29486724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnificentlycursed/pseuds/magnificentlycursed
Summary: "She has things to say, words he deserves to hear, and she badly wants to say it because she’s been pretending it isn’t true, pretending that it isn’t the reason why she missed him every second they were apart, and she’s tired of pretending. She doesn’t want to pretend anymore, not with him."Or, the five times Yeong-hwa says "I love you" and the one time Dan-ah says it back.
Relationships: Lee Yeong Hwa/Seo Dan Ah
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The story title is taken from Someone Who Loves Me by Sara Bareilles.
> 
> The line goes: “Surrender’s just a word until you try it out and see how hard it is to hurt with someone else around.”
> 
> I chose that line specifically because one thing I noticed from Dan-ah is that vulnerability is something she can’t afford to have because there’s a huge risk of her losing everything that’s rightfully hers. 
> 
> Dan-ah is a force to be reckoned with, someone who will never let anyone look down on her or belittle her, but all this came at a cost: the inability to express her emotions in fear of getting hurt. In this fic, I wanted her to realize that vulnerability isn't as painful as it should be when there's someone willing to sit in your corner.
> 
> Disclaimer: the dialogues in this chapter and the next one are not my own; they were taken from the show.

He says I love you and it completely blindsides her.

Dan-ah had no idea what to expect from Yeong-hwa’s painting. She saw and approved the initial sketch, of course, and Yeong-hwa sent her photo updates throughout the coloring process, but she had been around enough artists to know that the initial sketches and ideas rarely end up being the finished product. There was also a part of her that expected a blank canvas, for this entire thing to be another prank painting revelation. Although she was certain he had learned his lesson about deceiving her, Dan-ah would never put it past him.

She knew one thing for sure. She wasn’t expecting this: a vivid, spectacular, and breathtaking painting, depicting a frank, blatant, and unconcealed love confession.

When she realized she had been silently staring at the painting the entire time, she cleared her throat and hoped that her voice wouldn’t betray the multitude of emotions running through her veins. “It’s very… noisy.”

“You hear noises?” he asks, and if she wasn’t completely flustered over his painting, she would’ve rolled her eyes. Fondly, of course. There was something about him that had her doing things in a fond manner, and she wasn’t completely sure what to feel about it. “Has technology advanced that much?”

“You’re still too young to hide it,” she explains. “Students tend to vividly reflect their feelings or disposition in their drawings.”

“You must have met many students then.” He smirks and looks away just in time to avoid the exasperated scowl she sends in his direction.

“It’s just a theory,” she retorts, but even his cheekiness wasn’t enough to quench the curiosity building up inside her. “This is just screaming ‘I love you.’”

It wasn’t exactly a question, because even a random passerby can take a glance at his painting and be able to tell that Yeong-hwa had poured his heart out into every brush stroke until the colors were screaming the message he was trying to convey. And so even when it shouldn’t have, his words take the breath right out of her lungs.

“I love you, Ms. Seo,” Yeong-hwa says.

It takes everything in her to not react, to show him that his words meant nothing to her, but he was right when he said it was impossible to control what the heart wanted, because she couldn’t help the way her heart is beating wildly against her chest.

Slowly, she looks up to meet his gaze. His eyes, the same ones that could somehow see through the walls she put up around herself and the same ones that are slowly convincing her to let her guard down even for a little bit, were intensely gleaming like his painting.

Yeong-hwa smiles at her, and although it melts her heart, she panics.

Was he expecting her to say it back? Was he expecting this to become like those romantic movie scenes with the characters gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes and confess their undying love for each other? Why was he still smiling at her? He should stop before she makes another mistake and sends him into tears again, even though his intense gaze is telling her he wouldn’t completely oppose to her making a mistake this time. Just… what the _hell_ is happening?

Thankfully, before she can formulate a response or even attempt to get her thoughts in order, he speaks again. “You’re right. That’s what I felt while working on this piece.”

Dan-ah chuckles, lightly biting the inside of her cheek, and decides to change the topic before her mind explodes. “’Piece’? Don’t artists usually say ‘work’?” It’s not her most impressive maneuver technique, but it does the trick, much to her relief.

“I want to call this one a piece. But then again, it should only be called so after I die. Until then, this is just a work of mine,” he responds, moving to stand beside her.

Yeong-hwa has a satisfied look on his face while studying his own work, and it has Dan-ah feeling a sense of pride towards him as well. If he were this good at his young age, she knows his talent and skill would be much more refined in the future.

There’s a lot of potential stored within him, and it makes her proud. She finds herself wanting to witness his growth not just as a person, but as an artist, and she ignores the voice in her head telling her it was never going to happen. Maybe, just this once, time would be on her side.

“I’d love to see your piece,” Dan-ah says in a soft voice.

It’s not ‘I love you,’ because the thought of completely giving him her heart when there are still too many variables out of her control terrifies her, but it’s her way of saying that if she were given the chance, she would spend a thousand lifetimes with him.


	2. Chapter Two

He says I love you and it breaks her heart into tiny little pieces.

Throughout her entire life, Dan-ah was used to having things that belonged to her be taken away. It happened every so often that she reached the point of locking away the pain and heartbreak that came with the loss. Emotions, after all, were a vulnerability, and if she wanted to change the way things work in this men-dominated industry and regain what was rightfully hers, she couldn’t be seen as weak.

Nevertheless, despite her compartmentalization skills, nothing could’ve ever prepared her for the emotions that came with breaking up with Yeong-hwa.

“It’s for the best,” Dan-ah mumbles to herself everyday as she got ready for work, ignoring the pang in her heart.

Losing him hurts a lot, and she hates that she misses him already when it’s barely been three days since she broke up with him. But she believes that prolonging whatever this was between them would only end up bringing more heartbreak, so even when her heart feels heavy in her chest, she tolerates the pain with her head held high.

The heartbreak almost makes her refuse to see him when he unexpectedly came to visit her office, but after how she abruptly ended things, she thinks he deserves a chance to be able to say whatever he wanted to her. But instead of spite, his words are laced with gentleness and assurance that make her eyes sting with tears.

Dan-ah manages to hold them back, and the dam nearly bursts when he hands over the painting ─ where it all started and eventually ended.

“Do you not want it?” Yeong-hwa asks when she hesitates to take it. “It’s your painting.”

Her painting? “Didn’t you say it was yours until you handed it over?” she asks in an attempt to keep him from crossing the line she recently drew again. “You’ve put your heart into it.”

“You’ve already taken it away from me,” he responds without missing a beat. And there he was again, crossing the line like it was never there. She wants to hate him for it, but she can’t.

“I see. So would you like it back?” Dan-ah crosses her arms over her chest and braces herself for the sharp words that she knows are coming, but once again, Yeong-hwa surprises her by shaking his head.

“Keep it until it fades from within you,” Yeong-hwa says. “Keep it with you, then throw it out with the recyclables. You said that was important.”

Damn him. Damn him and his way with words and his big heart and kind eyes. Damn everything about him.

There was no stopping the tears this time, and when he wipes away the tears streaming down her face, she pulls him into her arms and allows herself to feel all the emotions she’s been suppressing since she was young.

For the first time in her life, Dan-ah cries for everything and everyone she’s ever lost, but most importantly, she cries for herself ─ here was a person who would willingly stand in her corner and fight to see her dreams come true, and instead of holding on to him, she’s breaking his heart. Someone who loved her. She wouldn’t blame him if he decides to hate her for the rest of his life.

“I’m still the same. Nothing you do can make me hate you,” Yeong-hwa assured her, and she cries even harder because of course he would correctly guess how she’s feeling right now. It’s like he was always able to see right through her. “I just keep liking you. That said, it’s my choice to keep liking you.” He pulls away a little to meet her gaze. “Will you forbid me from doing so?”

“No. Go ahead. Do whatever you want to do.” As if she could deny him that.

When Yeong-hwa places a kiss on her forehead, she closes her eyes and grabs on tightly to his coat, because this is it. This is goodbye and it hurts too much and she doesn’t want him to go.

“Live long, and don’t fall ill… My first love,” he says and she feels her heart break into tiny little pieces. “Where’s my answer?”

Dan-ah chuckles lightly through her tears. “I’ll live long,” she chokes, her voice strangled. She takes a deep breath before adding, “And I won’t fall ill. I promise.”

He smiles sadly at her and pulls her close one last time. “I love you,” he whispers.

All she can do is sob and hold onto him tightly one last time.


	3. Chapter Three

He says I love you and she knows that she does too, but she struggles in saying it back.

It takes another not-so-accidental-meetup at the art gallery and him sitting next to her at the cinema during Yook Ji-woo’s movie premiere for her to realize that they were back at it again with the push and pull communication. She feels a fire ignite within her but the fear and uncertainty still lingering quickly puts it out.

Still, she accepts his offer to join Mi-joo and Seon-gyeom for chicken. They spend the entire dinner focused on each other, stealing glances and sending secret smiles every so often, and Dan-ah feels her cheeks burn up every time their legs bump into each other underneath the table. She meets his gaze and smiles when she sees how he’s practically the same with his cheeks blushing red.

Dan-ah tries to ignore the subtle knowing smirk Mi-joo keeps sending in her direction.

“I can walk,” she assures him, her legs wobbling slightly even though she’s wearing sneakers. Seon-gyeom had already taken a tipsy Mi-joo home, leaving her in the hands of Yeong-hwa to make she gets home safely. Maybe it was the alcohol in her system, but she sees a glint in Seon-gyeom’s eyes that tells her he’s been spending too much time with Mi-joo because he’s now partaking in playing Cupid. “I’m not entirely drunk.”

“Well you sure aren’t sober either, Ms. Seo,” Yeong-hwa chuckles. She pretends not to notice how his hand hovers just inches from the small of her back, or how he seems to be watching her every move as if he’s waiting for her to stumble to the ground. “You drank more beer than Mi-joo. I don’t think it’s safe for you to drive.”

“Are you offering to drive me home?” Her eyes widen in surprise when he nods, and she hesitates because while she wasn’t drunk, she knows that the amount of alcohol she drank was enough to lower her defenses. She might make a mistake, or say something she would regret in the morning, and the way he looks tonight isn’t really helping. “Have you gotten your driver’s license?”

Yeong-hwa shakes his head in amusement. “I wouldn’t be offering if I hadn’t, would I? Besides, it’s more convenient than calling you a car.”

He’s right. Damn him. “Are you a good driver?”

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see.” He spots her car in the parking lot and guides her towards it, helping her get in and buckle up before moving to take the driver’s seat.

Dan-ah tells him what buttons to push on her GPS and curses when he immediately bumps into something.

“What the hell,” she mumbles. “Are you trying to kill us both?”

“It was just a bush,” he defends himself. He winces when he accidentally bumps into something again, and she rolls her eyes in exasperation. Fortunately, the drive was smooth sailing once he got out of the parking lot, and she falls into a light slumber.

Her eyes open in surprise when she feels his hand across her cheek. She clutches her head with a groan as she starts to feel the beginnings of a hangover brewing between her eyes and _holy crap_ why did she drink so much alcohol and why did no one stop her?

Next to her, she can hear Yeong-hwa apologizing for startling her, but her head is throbbing too much to pay attention to what he’s saying. “I am never drinking again,” she swears.

“I said that to myself the last time I was hungover, and yet you saw me drink earlier tonight.”

“Is that why drove so awfully?” she asks. “I thought we were going to die tonight.”

“It’s my first time driving a car like this,” he says with an indignant stare. “Gosh, you even fell asleep while I was driving. That alone should tell you how good I am in driving.”

He gets out of the car before she has a chance to respond and opens her door to help her out. Her wobbly legs nearly send her stumbling to the ground if it weren’t for Yeong-hwa’s reflexes; if she were sober, she would be completely embarrassed, but the constant throbbing in her head took the thought away.

The entire elevator ride consisted of Dan-ah assuring him she could walk fine, thank you very much, and immediately eating her words the second she stepped away from him.

Somewhere between the fourth and seventh floor, her vision blurs out and she gives up on trying to stand still. Yeong-hwa is supporting her weight against him when they reach her floor, and she giggles loudly when he sees the door requires a passcode.

“It’s my mom’s birthday,” she yawns, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. She has no qualms of falling asleep right here and now.

“I don’t know when that-no, no, don’t fall asleep yet. Our backs are both going to hurt and you’re going to hate me when you wake up sore in the morning.”

“I don’t think I can hate you,” she mumbles incoherently, her eyes still closed as the door opens and reveals Tae-woong standing there with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Dan-ah?” Tae-woong asks in an incredulous tone. “Is she drunk?”

“No I’m not,” she says loudly at the same time Yeong-hwa says “Yes she is.”

The rest of their conversation is a blur to Dan-ah and before she can object, Yeong-hwa carefully lifts her in his arms with an ‘oomph,’ with Tae-woong guiding him to where her room was.

She sighs in relief when he finally puts her down on her bed. She feels him remove her shoes and opens her eyes just in time to see him pull the blankets to her chin.

“Yeong-hwa.”

He freezes before meeting her eyes. “Ms. Seo.”

“Yeong-hwa,” she giggles at his formality. “Yeong-hwa, you’re here. Why are you here? Why are you taking care of me?” It’s the alcohol talking, because she would never have mustered the courage to ask him this question if she was sober.

Yeong-hwa gives her a small smile before kneeling next to her bed. “I think you and I both know the answer to that,” he responds.

“You love me,” she says, and he nods. His hand reaches up to sweep away the stray strands of hair that’s fallen to her face and she leans into his touch. “Why? I broke your heart. And I hurt you a lot. So why?”

“I always have loved you, Ms. Seo,” he explains. “I could never not love you.”

“That’s it? No logical or sentimental explanation at all?”

“I love you,” Yeong-hwa says in a firm but gentle tone. She keeps her eyes on his, and she feels her throat tighten at how his eyes hold nothing but sincerity and love. “I just do.”

She opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. It’s on the tip of her tongue, those three words, but it’s like they’re slowly crawling back into her throat until she chokes on them.

“Shh,” he comforts her, his knuckles caressing her cheek. “It’s okay.”

But Dan-ah doesn’t want to shh. She loves him too. So much. She has things to say, words he deserves to hear, and she badly wants to say it because she’s been pretending it isn’t true, pretending that it isn’t the reason why she missed him every second they were apart, and she’s tired of pretending. She doesn’t want to pretend anymore, not with him.

So she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and tries again, but still, no sound comes out.

“It’s okay,” he assures her.

It’s not okay. It’s really not. Why was he not pushing? Why doesn’t he want to hear them from her? How is he not wondering why she can’t say it? How can he love her still when she can barely manage to say three words?

“Why can’t I say it back?” Dan-ah couldn’t help but sob. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Hey. There’s nothing wrong with you. I promise,” Yeong-hwa cups her cheek and places a kiss on her forehead. “I’m not in any rush to hear it from you, and I’m not saying it to pressure you. I’m saying it because I want you to know how I feel. But we don’t have to talk about this tonight. Go to sleep. You need some rest.” He

Yeong-hwa moves to stand but she clutches his wrist and squeezes. “Stay. Please.”

Wordlessly, he nods and removes his shoes before slipping in next to her on top of the covers. Reminiscent of that night in his hometown province, he wraps his arms around him and tucks her head into his chest. “ _Rock-a-bye, baby, on the treetop, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock_ …”


	4. Chapter Four

He says I love you and she kisses him in response.

Every time she hesitates about going out with him, Dan-ah always reminds herself that their situation now isn’t the same as it were before. This time around, their worlds were more intertwined, and they were better versions of themselves.

She’s not the underdog she used to be when her father was chairman. She’s the _youngest_ vice-president of Seomyung Group – it’s not exactly chairwoman, but as the second highest in command, she gets more freedom to do what she wants to, and at the same time, she has the opportunity to prove that between her and that bastard Myeong-min, she is a much more capable and competent chairperson.

It was, after all, her birthright, and the fact that she has to fight for it simply because she was a woman sickens her to this day.

Yeong-hwa isn’t just an ordinary art student anymore, either. After he graduated, he participated in many local art exhibits that eventually led to art curators taking notice of his extraordinary work. He’s the best local talent in their art gallery, and because of the number of tourists that visit daily, his name is starting to become a household name among the best artists in the city. Without any of her help, he entered her world, and is thriving wonderfully in it.

“It’s nice to hear that you had a lot of fun in your first time travelling abroad,” Dan-ah tells him.

The weather was warm after they finished dinner, so they opted to take a walk around the park nearby. Yeong-hwa had just finished telling her about his two months in Chicago for the exchange program.

She heard about his and Ye-jun’s acceptance from a proudly beaming Director Dong and Mi-joo had mentioned it briefly, but this was the first time she heard about it directly from him.

“What about you, Ms. Seo? What are your experiences travelling abroad?” he asks her.

“Do business ventures count as travelling?”

He furrows his eyebrows thoughtfully before shaking his head. It’s adorable. “No, because you shouldn’t be thinking about work while you’re travelling.”

“In that case, I haven’t really travelled that much,” she says. “Well, I did go to college in London, so that’s four and half years in England.”

“That’s more than enough time to explore the city,” he says in amazement. He walks backwards, facing her as he talked. She grins at the eagerness in his face. “Did you meet the queen?”

“The college isn’t exactly anywhere near Buckingham Palace, Yeong-hwa, or any of the royal family’s houses,” she laughs.

“You basically lived there for four years. I doubt you haven’t seen any member of the royal family,” he says.

“I did see some, but I haven’t _met_ them. There’s a difference.”

“Have you been to any other countries in Europe?” he asks. “I hear it’s much easier to travel there because the countries are literally right next to each other.”

“I haven’t driven across Europe if that’s what you’re asking, but I have been to France,” she responds. “One of my college friends has a house in Bordeaux, and two weeks before we graduated, her parents invited us over. I think that’s the extent of my experience travelling abroad.”

“Are there any other places you’d like to travel to?”

She thinks about it, going through different places in her mind, and her eyes widen in surprise at a sudden realization. “Now that I think about it, I haven’t really explored South Korea outside of Seoul. Your hometown was probably the first one.”

“Seriously?” he asks, his eyes as wide as hers. “We can’t accept that. Tell you what, the next time both of us are free, we’ll take a trip outside of Seoul.”

“Just the two of us?” she asks teasingly.

“We can ask Mi-joo and Seon-gyeom to join us,” he stops in his tracks and faces her. “Unless… you want us to go alone?”

Dan-ah swallowed and averted her gaze, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks at his low tone and intense gaze. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat before meeting his eyes once again, fighting back the urge to wipe the grin off his face.

“No. They can come with us,” she says as calmly as she can, staring him down.

Yeong-hwa beams brightly at her, and somehow it makes her cheeks feel even hotter than before. “Alright. I’ll tell Seon-gyeom tonight. You should clear your schedule for the weekend, Ms. Seo.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “You’re ‘Yeong-hwa,’ but why am I ‘Ms. Seo’?”

“What should I call you then?” he asks and purses his lips in thought. “ _Ajumeoni_?”

“I’m not in my forties.”

“ _Noona_?”

“You sound like Tae-woong,” she says with a wince on her face. Technically, since she was older than him, Yeong-hwa should call her _noona_ , but Tae-woong was the only person who has ever called her by that honorific, and it will make her uncomfortable if Yeong-hwa does the same thing.

“Are you allowing me to speak informally to you?”

She raises an eyebrow and stares at him for a few seconds, smirking because he’s waiting in anticipation for her answer. Rolling her eyes fondly, she responds, “Don’t make me regret it.”

The grin that was immediately plastered on his face tells her she was going to regret it immensely. “How about… _jagiya_?”

Dan-ah gives him her best glare. “Don’t you dare.”

“Come on, it suits you, _jagiya_ ,” he teases.

“I will kill you.”

“Come to think of it, honey was a huge bridge of communication during our earlier relationship, so it’s only right that I call you that,” he reasons.

“That doesn’t change the fact that it’s cringey,” she argues, glancing around and hoping no one heard him call her _jagiya_. “You know what? I take back everything I said. Ms. Seo is okay. I’ll be Ms. Seo until the day I die.”

She begins to walk away from him only to be pulled back gently with his fingers closing lightly around her upper arms, just enough to keep her in front of him. She pretends to shift away from his touch, but he gets her to stay still by leaning down and pressing a soft, chaste kiss on her lips. In fact, it makes her freeze in her spot as she stares at him in surprise.

“Dan-ah,” he says softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I love you.”

She doesn’t respond using words. Instead, her hands drift to the collar of his coat to tug him down and place her lips on his, smiling when he kisses her back.

She has no idea who deepens the kiss – all she can remember is the shiver than tingles her spine when he wraps his arm around her waist to pull her closer to him. She cups his face in the palms of her hands, stroking his cheek lightly with her thumb.

“Your lips taste spicy,” she tells him when they pull apart, their foreheads resting against each other.

“So do yours,” he grins. “So… Does it mean it’s okay if I kiss you again?”

Dan-ah nods, and when their lips meet again, she sighs in relief and wraps her arms around his neck, letting her fingers tangle in his soft brown hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ajumeoni" = used to address middle-aged Korean women
> 
> "Noona" = what Korean men use to address women older than them
> 
> "Jagiya" = honey/darling
> 
> (Also a disclaimer: I asked a Korean internet friend about the noona honorific and if younger boyfriends are supposed to call their older girlfriends noona, and she said it all depends on the girlfriend's preference. If I'm mistaken please kindly correct me. Thank you.)


	5. Chapter Five

He says I love you, but to her, it doesn’t tell him enough. 

Somehow, Yeong-hwa, together with Mi-joo and Seon-gyeom’s persistence, managed to get her to join them on a camping trip out on the province. It’s not that far away that she can drive back to Seoul in case of a work-related emergency, but it’s also not too close for her to keep thinking about work.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Mi-joo begins, “but it’s nice to see you like this.”

Dan-ah turns her head away from Seon-gyeom and Yeong-hwa setting up the barbecue grill. She and Mi-joo oversaw putting up the tents and starting the fire. “What do you mean? I always look nice. Name one time I have never looked nice.”

“I didn’t say…” Mi-joo gives her an unimpressed look. “When you’re drunk on my living room floor.”

“Well,” Dan-ah scoffs. “You’re pretty, but you don’t look that good when you’re drunk either.”

“That wasn’t what I meant,” Mi-joo remarks with an exasperated sigh. “I meant… It’s nice to see you all bright and cheery.”

“Bright and cheery?” Dan-ah asks, looking at Mi-joo with a confused expression. “What was I before?”

“Before you and Yeong-hwa got back together? Mopey.”

“I was _not_ mopey.”

“Not all the time, but when you got drunk, you were. You always talked about how everything reminded you of him; rice burgers, flannel coats, streets…” Mi-joo ticks off, smirking amusedly at the slight discomfort on her friend’s face. “At some point, Mae and I made a bet on what would remind you of him.”

Dan-ah stares her down. “Did you get it right?”

“Of course I did,” Mi-joo responds smugly. “Converse sneakers. One night, you said you saw the sneakers he gave you on your closet and you missed him all of a sudden. Mae was in charge of the dishes for a week.”

“Glad I got to help,” Dan-ah remarks sarcastically.

They stay silent as they finished starting the fire, taking the foldable chairs from Dan-ah’s car and setting them up as well. It’s when they’re finally sipping on their beers that Mi-joo giggles and shakes her head amusedly when Dan-ah looks at her curiously.

“You’re dating an idiot,” Mi-joo explains. “Did he really give you _Converse sneakers_ to play soccer in?”

Dan-ah can’t help but giggle in agreement. “He’s such an art student sometimes. It’s adorable.”

“This is what I meant earlier,” Mi-joo says. “You just _giggled_. You look happy.”

“Was I that bad before?” Dan-ah asks. The question comes off as a bit disdainful, which isn’t her intention at all; she’s genuinely curious.

Thankfully, Mi-joo knows her well enough by now to know she wasn’t being lofty. “I worded it wrong. You look _happier_. Back then, you were happy but you had this tension that drags you down. Now, you just look happy and content."

 _Maybe I am_ , Dan-ah thinks, _but I shouldn’t be, because Yeong-hwa is giving me everything and he deserves so much more than what I’m giving him_.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Yeong-hwa asks her later that night, after they’ve finished cleaning up, and Seon-gyeom and Mi-joo were sitting comfortably by the fire.

Dan-ah nods with a smile on her face. She silently slips her fingers between his and squeezes his hand gently, smiling when he squeezes back. It’s not the first time they’ve held hands (she still remembers the awkward silence that ensued when they first held hands), but it’s the first time she initiates it in public.

“You don’t get these many stars in Seoul,” she says in a soft voice, staring in amazement at the dark sky blanketed by twinkling stars.

“It’s one thing I missed when I moved out of my hometown,” he tells her. “It felt like the stars went missing and it made me miss home a lot.”

“Did you ever consider moving back when you got homesick?”

He nods, chuckling dryly. “I did. More times than I can count.”

“What made you stay in Seoul?” she asks curiously.

Yeong-hwa glances at her with a sly grin. “If I said it was you, would you believe me?”

Dan-ah rolls her eyes. “No, because you met me when you were a college senior, and by then, you’ve been living in Seoul for four years.”

“It was worth a try,” he laughs, and she hits his arm lightly. They fall silent before he speaks again, answering her question properly this time.

“I’ve always wanted to be an artist, to do what it is I’m doing now. My parents knew that, and they were incredibly supportive even though they didn’t want me to move out. Every time the homesickness got too difficult and I wanted to go home, they would send me some honey and tell me to give it a few more days. It became a cycle until I finally realised exactly what it was they were doing. They were helping me make Seoul home by giving me something that I always had back at home.”

She hums, smiling softly at his story. It’s starting to make sense why he is the soft, loving, kind-hearted, and self-aware person that he is; he got it from his parents. They must be so proud of him, and rightfully so.

“I’m glad you stayed in Seoul,” Dan-ah says.

“Me too. I never would’ve met you otherwise,” Yeong-hwa teases her.

“You’re unbelievable. I don’t think I want to be seen with you anymore.”

To her disdain (and relief, because his reaction only shows how far their relationship has grown), Yeong-hwa only laughs and pulls her closer, wrapping her in a hug.

 _You’ve gone soft, Seo Dan-ah_ , she thinks to herself, because instead of trying to break away from his hold, she only melts into his arms and hugs him back.

“I meant it. I’m glad I met you,” he whispers, and she breaks away a little to meet his gaze. “I love you,” he says, and Dan-ah smiles softly.

It’s taken her a frustratingly long time, but she knows why she can’t just say it back. It’s not because she doesn’t love him back, and it’s not because she’s a coward.

What she feels… How she feels… The intensity and strength of the emotions coursing through her veins… There are no words for the way she feels for him. No way, no combination of words or letters, that could explain to him how her love for him wells up in her chest and makes it difficult for her to speak.

To her, “I love you” doesn’t tell him enough.

“I love you” doesn’t tell him that he holds the entirety of her heart. “I love you” doesn’t help him see how he has the ability to utterly and completely destroy her. "I love you” doesn’t tell him how it feels to finally have someone to rely on, someone to come home to, and someone who lets her be when she needs it and sits quietly in her corner when she just can’t be alone.

None of these change the fact that he deserves to hear it from her, and she hates how the perfectionist in her is still searching for the right words to tell him everything she wants to say and everything he deserves to hear.

“Me too. I’m so grateful to have you in my life,” Dan-ah says, placing a soft kiss on his lips. She takes on of his hands off her waist and holds their clasped hands over her heart, letting him know that even if she hasn’t said it back, her heart already belongs to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: flyabovethesunset ! <3


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